The Signs Were There

No one wants to believe that the person they love more than anything is capable of breaking you into a million pieces. Cheating in my opinion is by far the worst thing you can do to a person. It blows my mind how you can live with yourself knowing you broke someone’s trust. How you can wake up every morning and not feel guilty for not being faithful to the person who loved you more than they loved themselves. Looking back at my past relationship the signs of cheating were there, I just never wanted to believe them or was to brainwashed to realize what was going on right in front of me.

I don’t think anyone should go through what I was put through. No one deserves to not feel good enough for someone. I rather go through physical pain then give a person my entire heart just for them to crush it.

Not everyone’s story is going to be the same as mine and that’s ok. Not all of these signs mean your significant other is cheating. These are the signs in my relationship that I should have listened to and realized what was going on.

Accusing me of being unfaithful:

Guilty mind? My ex would constantly start arguments with me about other guys. Guys who I had been friends with since elementary school. Fighting with me about social media when they would like my picture or I would like there’s. Multiple times my ex made a huge deal about my guy friends. Call it insecurity or jealousy, come to find out he was guilty of cheating and was trying to blame me for what he was doing.

Arguing:

This is a big one and it has layers to it. My ex argued with me over everything. Even the smallest things. “You’re calling me too much” “You’re texting me too much”. Keep in mind we were in a long distance relationship and I would call once a day to hear his voice. Obviously that was asking too much. I would try to talk to him about his day and it would turn into an argument. Everything was an argument. We would wake up and he would find something to argue about, it got to the point where I was so sick of arguing that I let him treat me like dirt. I stopped calling, and I barely texted. He didn’t seem to care that we barely communicated with each other, he had another person with him to fill the space I once had.

No interest:

I apologize if this one is too personal. In the beginning of our relationship we could not get enough of each other, physically and emotionally. We spent every second together when he was home and we were constantly in contact with each other when he was away. We were so in love with each other it was actually annoying. One day it changed. He couldn’t stand me, he never wanted to FaceTime or talk on the phone, we barely talked throughout the day, and to be frank he never asked to see me which is something he would do CONSTANTLY. This was the biggest indicator for me. Him having no interest in me sexually was odd. It killed me that he didn’t have any interest in me, at first I thought he wasn’t finding me attractive due to the fact that my body was changing. He had no interest at all. He barely told me he loved me anymore. I had to ask him to tell me he loved me, if that wasn’t a red flag with flashing lights then I don’t know what is.

Lying:

I caught him in multiple lies. The first was when I asked him about his current girlfriend. “She’s one of my soldiers who was sexually assaulted” obviously I believed that, who would lie about it? I still don’t know if this is true or not. I would hope he wouldn’t lie about that. Then he was at her house. “I’m watching her dogs” apparently she had some sort of issue with her son and needed someone to watch her dogs? Dogs can be left alone, they aren’t children who need a babysitter. And I don’t know for sure that her son is even with her in Texas. Then one day I called him early in the morning on my way to work, and I heard two dogs barking in the back. “It was me coughing”. Any excuse to get him out of the situation he was in he used. He constantly lied to me about his current girlfriend. “She’s just a friend I’m allowed to have friends” yes you are more than welcome to have friends. But if I can tell something is going on then no I’m not going to like her. And the biggest lie of all “She has a boyfriend”. Yeah she does now. The one that ended us was when he told me I had nothing to worry about, he didn’t like her they were just FRIENDS There was always an excuse when it came to her. And it always changed. He would get mad at me when I called him out on lies.

My gut:

ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. I had such a strong feeling that I was being cheated on. I didn’t want to believe that feeling so I was thinking with my heart and not my head (never again). I made it into a joke “oh you got me pregnant now you want nothing to do with me”. Is what I would say, and I half believed it when I said it. He always told me I was being stupid. From the lack of interest, to the arguing and lying. I knew something was going on. I mean he didn’t even get me a birthday present and I had to REMIND him it was my birthday. Like seriously Brette you shouldn’t have been so naive.

I asked him multiple times if he was cheating and always got the same response that I was being crazy and paranoid. Turns out my gut was correct and I should have listened to it.

These signs were from my own personal experience and obviously every relationship is different. My hope is that maybe you can read this and prevent yourself from getting crushed.

Cheating is terrible. Cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone. Cheating taught me a valuable lesson about guys and walking away. I am worth more than what he was giving me, and I deserve to be treated 1000X times better than how I was treated. Since then I have picked myself up, fixed my crown (because yes I am a princess) and realized my own self worth.

This may sound strange, but I am glad he showed me his true colors. I’m glad I learned he was still an immature child who doesn’t know how to treat women. I’m glad I found out before my son was born, before I moved to Maryland for him, and before I married someone who was totally wrong for me. It saved me and made me stronger. I am now stronger than I was before. I am strong enough to be a single mother. I am strong enough to know what I deserve and settle for nothing less. I am strong enough.

Don’t let anyone treat you poorly, and if you are being cheated on WALK AWAY AND DONT LOOK BACK. You’ll be better for it.